Archive for March, 2008

The Ballad of a Lonely Man with an Acoustic Guitar

March 29, 2008

I wanted the situation
me and you make a bad equation
Our one plus one does not equal two.

Now it’s so simple to understand
Just why it is I cant be your man
I would be a few steps down for you.

And it was on my behalf
That you sliced my heart in half
And tossed the remains onto the floor.

It was soon after this
That it was you that I would miss
So I would go and ask for more.

Everything just seemed so tough
For you I wasn’t good enough
And that is why I feel so blue.

It was time to take a ride
To get away from what’s inside
Since I had decided to get a clue.

From you I would walk away
So you could have a better day
I couldn’t tell you how I felt.

If this hurt could just subside
It would be easier to hide
That now you’re with someone else.

Listen to Me My Adversary

March 25, 2008

Loneliness came in my darkest hour
To prove to me who held the power
That tightening feeling
Would send me reeling
And send me to my room to cower

It crept up on me out of the blue
And I did not know what I could do
First it was a blessing
Now it’s just a messing
And all the colors are a different hue

It came as the clock hand struck
And I knew it was just my luck
I felt a tightening
It was some what frightening
And I could not escape it’s muck

I looked loneliness in the face
In what must have been a glorious place
In a wink and a flash
I made a mad dash
But loneliness kept up with my pace

Oh loneliness why do you torture me
Is it ever enough for thee
Look how the pain
Has drove me insane
And from it I will never flee

The Age of Questioning Has Begun!

March 24, 2008

Im tired of being me and I don’t know why
don’t know why
Perhaps it’s the soul that has burnt out inside me
Or maybe it’s the guilt inside me.
But either way
Im tired of being me and I don’t know why
don’t know why.

I am alive and breathing and I don’t know why
don’t know why
Perhaps it’s a way of punishing me
Or maybe it’s because I’m suppose to be
But either way
I am alive and breathing and I don’t know why
Don’t know why

Christ died on the cross for me and I don’t know why
don’t know why
Perhaps He knew better then I
Or maybe He was suppose to
But either way
Christ died on the cross for me and I don’t know why
Don’t know why

Christ arose from the tomb for me and I don’t know why
don’t know why
Perhaps it’s the pity He felt for me
Or maybe it’s because He loved me
But either way
Christ arose from the tomb for me and I don’t know why
Don’t know why

To Be Honored in the Time of Mourning

March 15, 2008

He is the coffin carrier. It is his honor to carry him. He is honored to carry him. He is honored to take him to his final bed. To his everlasting peace. To carry the vehicle of his soul to it’s final ground.He hopes he does not slip. He hopes he does not let go. He prays that he doesn’t mess up. The crowd is quiet, their weeping keeping them busy. He must carry this resting box and not let go. And he will not let go. He must not let go.

He must stare ahead and not look down at his cargo. If he allows himself to look upon what he’s helping to carry he may lose it. No one can see his eyes. He looks down to cover up his sadness. Is this what glory is?

He is the coffin carrier. He carries the coffin. To honor him. To take him to his final bed of peace. To carry the vehicle of his soul to its hole of forever hibernation. And he is honored…I am honored.

RIP grandpa

The Battle of The Moment and When It Shall Attack

March 11, 2008

How can we know exactly how something will affect us
until we are there, in the moment.  Till that moment
comes at us and swallows us whole.  It devours us like
we are it’s breakfast and it hasn’t had a bite to eat
for days.  Sometimes we do not know how much someone
has meant to our lives until the moment comes where
they could be taken away. 

Your mom calls and tells you news.  This news will
take a moment to hit.  It’s as if you don’t want to
believe it.  And once you do come to realize the
reality in it all, you convince yourself how little it
matters to you.  How little it will affect you.  How
little that moment is.  That it’s just a small moment,
one that will only affect those around you, but not
you.  No, not you.  You are the brave one.  You are
the strong one.  The one who must not show any
emotion.  This moment cannot affect you for you will
not allow it. 

Its time to go into that place.  That place where
birth and death co-exist.  Where they play with each
other, taking turns.  First birth, then death.  This
is where one can witness God flexing his muscles.
This place is filled with such a mixture of joy and
sorrow.  Like one huge contradicting milkshake.  The
moment is now here.  The moment you have been
dreading.  The moment that you have long before
decided would not hit you.  Then you are asked if you
want to see them, and of course you agree.

The moment has arrived.  This moment of truth, of
consequence.  You walk in.  you look upon them, gaze
upon the scene.  They are so still, so quiet… only the
machine they are connected to making a sound.  You
have lied to yourself.  You are a liar.  You are a
coward.  You must be surprised at yourself, surprised
that you even had the courage to come in and look. 

They are so still….so quiet.  Laying there.  So much
different from the last time you saw them.  No
laughter.  No stories.  No complaining.  Why must you
have taken the moment’s challenge?  It bullied you.
Called you out.  Told you that you were a chicken.
How could you have been so stupid?  This will teach
you.  Your lesson is now learned. 

Let us scream at the moment.  Let us tell the moment
that it will let us free.  It will let us carry on.
Let us be on our own without it looking over our
shoulders.  God and his moments…he uses them to teach
us lessons.  To help us in times of need.  I hate you
moment, yet I am glad I drunk you in.  cause if I
hadn’t, then the moment would of sent in someone else.
Someone much worse.  Someone who does not care about
you.  Who doesn’t care how you feel, how well you are.
  Someone who thrives off of your suffering.  In walks
the swarming feeling of guilt.

The Only Thing Guaranteed In Life

March 10, 2008

Oh death, how we must all meet you square in the eye
You crush us like a head on collision
Your mercy knows no bounds
And our pleading does nothing to hinder you

Oh death, do you ever listen to our begging?
Just a few more days, minutes even
Is that too much to ask?
Must you laugh at our mortal hopes?

Oh death, must you highlight my weakness?
Must you tell all that I am a coward?
If you must end me, then do it
But do it so no one knows

Oh death, did you make a deal with the grave?
To put me there as deep as you can
Down where it’s just me and the earth
And the worms there to keep me company

Oh death, I have so much to live for
And there are so many who depend upon me
I pray that you’ll believe this lie
So I can breathe another day

Oh death, that grave doesn’t look to appealing
Nor do I feel the warmth of welcome
Let the funeral never be
So at least my self esteem will survive

Oh death, is this the end?
Then just let me get my jacket
I heard it can get quite chilly
Down in the apartment below everyone’s feet

The Abused Girl Revenge Song

March 8, 2008

Growing up how would she have known
How she would have turned out
She just wanted to be daddys little girl
Of that there is little doubt
He told her she was nothing
And that it was her fault her mother left
And her face reminded him of her…

So she says…
Oh daddy, this is your fault
Ive held this in so long
This is for what you did to me
This is my revenge song.

She left home as soon as she could
She had to get away from there
Her life was a sad and tragic tale
Of selling herself for money and food stamps
But oh what a secret she hid
In the attic of her life

He pulled up to the curb
Young and fresh out of school
She jumped in as fast as she could
She knew he would be the one tonight
“Oh honey this won’t cost much
Might even be free if you play your cards right”

They went back to her place
And she went in for the kiss
As his eyes closed the knife went into his back
And he crumbled to the floor below
She stared at his coldness
And cursed the sins of it all

The next day came and went
Perhaps again she got away
Till the knock came at the door
And the police burst in
A smile spilled upon her lips
As she knew her revenge song would soon end

She confessed to the deed
And the other fifteen times before
There must be punishment it was said
For such a horrible act
It’s not my fault she would say
Im just punishing wicked men

They strapped her to the chair
As the crowd hissed and booed
And the moms cried and the dads cursed
She sat there and smiled
In her final moments
She looked up and said…

“Oh daddy look at me now
I hope you enjoy the view
Of your only child
Making something of herself
You can smile proud daddy
Because this is your fault.” 
This is my revenge song.

As The Rapture Happens Before My Very Eyes

March 5, 2008

So this is the rapture
When time itself is still
I look around whats left
And know that im alone.
I am cold and desperate
My friends have all gone home
And I am now all alone

How can this be the rapture?
I was not prepared
If I would have known this
I would have been more kind
Would of done things differently
Like maybe love more
And hate less
Since the present is now the past

This had to be the rapture
For all my loved ones are gone
I am glad they all made it
But I feel so alone
Wish I had a warning
The book didn’t tell me when
And now I am all alone.

The rapture has come and gone
And im now marked by the beast
Walking around like a zombie
Just doing as im told
Awaiting my time of end
When it can just be over
Since I am all alone.

Just Sit Back and Relax

March 2, 2008

So I pay you to hear me out
Sit there and listen
You get paid for this fool
Who’s the idiot now?
Oh enjoy this and tell me please
Why do I feel so low?

Ill sit back on your couch
You ask me to relax
Well that’s easier said then done
So I have a few questions to ask
Oh man with expertise
Why do I feel so low?

Can I carve this brain out
So I no longer have to stand it
Tick tock and a tick tock
Its like my tell-tale heart
Whats that question I have?
Why do I feel so low?

I pay you good money now
So hear me out would you
Im not good enough it seems
At least that’s what these voices tell me
Find me that excuse
Why do I feel so low?

Its not like this brain is great
Its nothing but trouble really
I think its beginning to feel
As if it owns the place
It changed the furniture around
Why do I feel so low?

So whats your diagnosis?
Help a guy out here
Am I just going crazy?
Or am I as pointless as I feel?
Perhaps that’s what it is
that’s why I feel so low.